Recently i was told I seem that i am not enjoying motherhood as much as i did when my first son was born.. I find this to be very true but as I sit and try to think how it can be possible for me to do this i have come up with this..
You can not enjoy motherhood as you did when you only had one baby.. things are different because you have two babies and life going on all at the same time. With one baby it is you and the baby u take care of all its needs and then your needs follow. With two after you are done with their needs there is usually no time or energy left to think about yourself so then you start to get angry because you are no longer you.. or at least the you you used to be pre two babies or any babies ago. how can u find more energy or make extra hours in the day to find that joy again.
So I will try my best to smile more and take as many pictures as i did once upon 11mths before our new bundle arrived but I am not going to fool or trick myself into thinking it is ever possible to feel as you did when you first child was born. It is the newness and unknown of having a baby for the first time it is the first high you ever had, that first kiss, that first drink or that first dance.. you can have a million after but since it is not your first it will always be different and never like the first..
Don't get me wrong I love both my boys equally if that is possible and i am happy i have two because that was the plan but since you already know they will cry they will poop the mystery is gone and with it went the feeling of enjoyment 24/7.. I enjoy it when they laugh and are funny but not soo much when they misbehave and make messes.. is that bad does that make me a mean mom or a bad person?? Who would enjoy yelling or cleaning something over and over again??
being a mom is all unknown you don't know what type of child God gave you. You have to learn and sometimes it is hard but if you stick with it it will get easier (or so i am told) but it gets really freaking hard when you add more than one to the mix. They can write millions of books on being a mom and a how to be a good mom too but you won't get it until the baby is here and the baby turns from a baby to a toddler to a pre-schooler to a pre teen then teen then adult and then you will see the person they are and if you helped them to become the best person they could be..
So to all the moms do your best and find a way anyway to be happy with you first and then the rest is easy but like RuPaul says (i know a drag queen as a reference) Love yourself or else how in the hell is someone gonna love you.. If you find that way share it with a friend and they they can share it because we are raising people.. The bum on the street's mom stopped trying the killers mom didn't work harder OUr kids are going to be the people that are on the trains and buses with you that are shopping in the stores with you soo do the best job you can so this world can be a better place.
Happy Mother's Day
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